I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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