Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
