I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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