I could make wine with my vomit
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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