We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
