Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
