It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
