you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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