is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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