Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
