im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
