Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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