this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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