I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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