yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
