; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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