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I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
