the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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