you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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