so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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