a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
