im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
