Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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