saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
