What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
