Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
