"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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