I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
