Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just gift wrapped bread.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
