Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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