great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
