...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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