I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
