five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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