I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
