i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
