i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
