hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
