I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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