Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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