I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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