Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
PANTIES FOUND
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