Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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