I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I DEMAND FORESKIN
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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