Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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