Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
