you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
