Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
