shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How does one acquire holy water?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
