I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
