Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
