I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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