Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
